Adderall Pt. 2
Sophomore year of college came and I had, yet again, pivoted my career aspirations and decided to pursue a pre-med track. As I studied for chemistry I knew my brain on its own was not going to cut it. I needed back up support. Like any parent, my mother was never in favor of me taking drugs. But I knew all the right things to say and after a few conversations with my primary care doctor, I had my golden ticket. A prescription for 10mg of methamphetamines, commonly known as Adderall, to take two times per day. All it took was telling him I had tried it before and that it “really, really” helped. Little does he know his concession tormented my life for the foreseeable future. In one fell swoop he also prescribed me Prozac because I was feeling increasingly anxious. The ultimate paradox - an upper and a downer, all in a days work.
According to the Virginia Military Institute, “Adderall and Narcotics are Schedule II drugs under the Federal Drug Control Act. This is the same classification as cocaine, heroin, or meth. This also means that possessing any of these medications without a prescription is a felony.” Is it comical, pathetic, or depressing what you can justify in moments of desperation? I knew this information, but what I knew even more acutely was the euphoria I felt every time I took a pill. As I think back, the rush of excitement actually started as soon as I’d open the bottle with anticipation of what was to come.
I started off slow, taking it as prescribed, two times per day. I didn’t even take it on the weekends unless I was studying. As the months went on I started to notice I could easily intermittent fast if I took it in the morning and the effects would last longer if I didn’t dilute it with food, especially something acidic. Thanks to Google and Reddit I knew if my stomach PH was more alkaline it would maximize the impact and feeling it gave me, so I started to have Tums readily available.
If you know anything about drugs, you know you eventually require more of the dose to give you the same outcome it did when you first got hooked. A phenomenon known as building or developing drug tolerance. With the consistency that I eventually established in taking my 10mg, it was only a matter of time that I upgraded to a 20mg dose. In my mind I could justify the 20s because “I wasn’t going to take it all the time, and that means I wouldn’t need to get a prescription as often.” I can’t remember when that change happened, but it was the start of full blown addictive tendencies. This looked like cutting pills in halves and fourths, rationing them out, and making sure I had enough in the bottle to hold me over to the next refill. I would also take week long breaks sometimes to convince myself I didn’t have a problem. “If I was addicted, I wouldn’t be able to stop taking them for this long.” I had also been under the false assumption that once I graduated I would miraculously never crave or need to take Adderall again.
If anything, the real world makes you desire Adderall even more.
