Social Media

I check the places I know will puncture my heart

I feel it in my lungs, then in the place between your ribs where you can get the wind knocked out of you

It’s brief, but it stops me in tracks

The color flushed out of my cheeks

The hairs on my arms stand on end

And for 2, 4, 6 and sometimes 8 counts I hold my breathe because I am struck and struck with the world spinning around me while I stare at my screen

What’s worse is I have no basis to make assumptions

My mind is a bottomless pit

Endless possibilities

For as much as a gift it can be,

The creativity is also crippling

You’d think I was a detective, a narc for myself

These discoveries are small victories that leave you feeling a loss

They say it’s lonely at the top and they’re right

When you finally take the deep desperate breath, you come to your senses

I promised I wouldn’t do this

But in some ways this knowledge, no matter the truth or context, gives me strength

Another realization that I’m still breathing, I’m okay, I can and am doing this thing called living